Author Topic: A Laugh A Day XD  (Read 523 times)

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Offline XenoExia

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A Laugh A Day XD
« on: September 02, 2010, 03:08:40 PM »
Jadi, ini tempat untuk berdiskusi  dan menampung berbagai macam joke (yg bukan junk), mmmkay ? ;)


And now to kick it with something :

Spoiler: ShowHide
First day of school in an American high school in Washington DC. The teacher introduces the new kid, Suzuki Yamaguchi from Japan to the rest of the class.

As the class start, the teacher says:

"Let's start with a small quiz in American history". Who said "Freedom or death?"

Suddenly silence...

...and only Suzuki raises his hand: "Patrick Henry, 1775. in Philadelphia."

"Very good Suzuki". And who said: "The nation is it's people and as such can never die?"

Suzuki raises his hand again: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863, Washington."

The teacher looks at her students and says: "Shame on you, Suzuki is a Japanese and know American history better than you."

A silent voice from the back of the class: "Go f**k yourselves, shitty Japanese"

"Who said that!?", yells the teacher.

Suzuki raises his hand and says: "General MacArthur, 1942, Guadalcanalu, and Lee Iacocca 1982 at the Chrysler management board meeting, Detroit."

The class is in silence and hear again a silent voice: "Suck my cock!!!"

The teacher is furious: "I've had enough. Who said that?"

Suzuki : "Bill Clinton to Monica Levinsky, Oval Office, 1997 in Washington."

Another voice yells: "Suzuki is      !"

Suzuki : "Valentino Rossi in Rio de Janeiro at the Brazil moto Grand-Prix in 2002."

The class goes wild, the teacher starts crying, and in walks to the school Principal she said:

"What the hell is going on?, I am going to quit !!"

Suzuki raises his hand again : "Sri Mulyani, Ministry of Finance, Jakarta, Indonesia, 2010 when KPK auditors were in her office


Teruskan :cool:
Stupid sheep mentality. People taking up some righteous cause they learned about a day ago and never really learning what it is they are for.

Uguu, The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Offline acesofthesky

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2010, 03:22:56 PM »
Tulis juga aturan "harus post joke" karena kalau tidak jadi tempat nge-junk dengan "wkwkwkkwkwkw kocak"

Saya:

Offline Rukaister

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2010, 07:51:16 PM »
this is for today :>

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

- quoted from somewhere

Offline ADIT

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2010, 11:07:09 PM »
udah pernah di post kayanya:
Spoiler: ShowHide
Canadians:  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans:  Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:  Negative.  You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.  I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians:  No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:  THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.  WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE  DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT  VESSELS.  I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15  DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians:  This is a lighthouse.  Your call.


Four die-hard Major League Baseball fans climb a mountain. As they climb, they argue incessantly about which one of them is most dedicated to his respective team. When they get to the top, the Yankees fan yells, "This is for the New York Yankees!" and throws himself off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone by a Yankees fan, the Red Sox fans screams, "This is for the Boston Red Sox!!" and throws himself off the mountain. Not about to be outdone by a Yankees fan and a Red Sox fan, the Cardinals fan shouts, "THIS IS  ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!" and kicks the Chicago Cubs fan off the mountain.


Seven Five Colored Puppeteer

Offline Rukaister

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2010, 06:15:06 PM »
Why men make better friends.

A woman stays out all night and the next day tells her husband she stayed over a friend's house. Her husband calls around to ten of her friends and they know nothing about it.

A man stays out all night and the next day tells his wife he stayed over a friend's house. She calls ten of his friends, eight confirm that he slept over, two claim that he's still there.

Offline ADIT

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2010, 11:10:31 AM »
True Story

In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."



The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca — last name deleted, and Gary — last name deleted.

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of AdaApaIni?ING TEA??? Oh no I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."

Asshole.

Bitch.

Wanker.

Slut.

Get AdaApaIni?ed.

Eat shit.

AdaApaIni? YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

Go drink some tea, whore.


Edit:  kenapa cuma F*ck yang disensor?
« Last Edit: September 26, 2010, 11:12:24 AM by anonymous »


Seven Five Colored Puppeteer

Offline Rukaister

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2010, 08:20:57 AM »
live your life joke :>

Doctor: "I've got some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is you only have a week to live."
Patient: "What could be worse news than that?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you for the last 6 days."

or

"How long do I have to live, doctor?"
"I say ten...."
"Ten what? Weeks, months, years?"
"....Nine...."

Offline ADIT

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2010, 07:36:19 PM »
AdaApaIni? yeah, Ganeca!
(tanpa tanda bintang)
http://fu*ckyeahganeca.tumblr.com/


Seven Five Colored Puppeteer

Offline Mindripper

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2010, 08:36:38 PM »



AWESOME LOGICAL QUESTION:
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 08:41:36 PM by gespenst »

Desire spawns madness.

Madness collapses into disaster.

Mankind never learns.

Quote
every time a video game journalist writes about Ace Combat, a puella magi turns into a witch.

Offline SunDragoon

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2010, 11:24:45 PM »
Mungkin yang ini udah pada pernah baca.



A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
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Offline Rukaister

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #10 on: October 13, 2010, 07:45:48 AM »
Light bulb jokes :>

Q : How many DBZ characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A : One, but it takes five episodes.

Q : How many MicroSoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A : None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

Q : How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A : Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q :  How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A :  Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q :  How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A :  None.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.

etc.

Offline miapapun

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2011, 09:43:23 AM »
seorang penjaga kuburan melihat wanita cantik yang malam-malam sedang membaca sms:
penjaga kuburan : neng, lagi ngapain?
wanita : lagi bales sms, kalo di bawah tanah pending
In the the unchangeable landscape, there are unchangeable creatures.
It was just like a paradise.
It was like Eden, where only the sky changes.

Kalafina - Seventh Heaven

Offline XenoExia

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2011, 12:19:39 PM »
A Facebook status : `Girls are like apples on trees. Boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, someone who will climb to the top, no matter what.`

First reply : 'Repost this if your body is the shape of an apple.'
Stupid sheep mentality. People taking up some righteous cause they learned about a day ago and never really learning what it is they are for.

Uguu, The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Offline alamakboy

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2011, 11:12:37 PM »
Mungkin ini lawakan yang garing, tapi yah ane coba deh

Suatu hari, Cinta Laura pengen beli kucing, trus dia sampe di sebuah toko.
Cinta Laura: "Mas, ada kuching anghoura gak?"
Penjaga Toko: "Wah, ngga ada mbak."
Cinta Laura: "Hmm.... kalo kuching pershia?"
Penjaga Toko: "Waduh ngga ada juga mbak"
Cinta Laura: "Kalo kucing siam?"
Penjaga Toko: "Itu juga ngga ada"
Cinta Laura: "Hadeh2...kalo kucing kampung?"
Penjaga Toko: "Ngga ada"
Cinta Laura: "Trus yang ada kucing apa dong??"
Penjaga Toko: "Ngga jual kucing mbak"
Cinta Laura: "Lah, katanya toko kucing, gimana sih?"
Penjaga Toko: "Siapa yang bilang toko kucing? Baca dong plang di depan! Tulisannya Toko CAT!!!"
"A chain is as strong as its weakest link"
- random quote di Shinsekai Yori -w-

Do nice visit to my blog :w00t:
http://alamakboy.wordpress.com

Offline ultimagnum

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Re: A Laugh A Day XD
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2011, 06:51:01 PM »
A : Mas2 bisa tolong iketin tali sepatu saya gak mas?
B : (tersentak hebat) Kenapa gak iket sendiri?
A : Soalnya saya mau iketin tali sepatu mas...
B : (melihat tapi sepatu sendiri, terhening sejenak, dan merinding ngeri) Kenapa gak iket tali sepatu masing2? (serem homo ui...)
A : Soalnya saya biasa iketin tali sepatu adik saya...dan dia telah tiada...(ganti BGM jadi lagu sedih)
B : (terharu) Ya sudah, saya iketin tali sepatumu dulu, trus kau iketin tali sepatuku...
A : (setelah saling ikat mengikat tali sepatu..) Ok terima kasih ya mas...
B : Sama2...lain kali jangan lupa bawa kartu kreditnya ya... (pergi shading manly)
A : (pergi berbalik arah sambil berkata di dalam hati) Duidku tinggal 1000 dan sengaja gak bawa kartu kredit dasar tolol! Lumayan duid dy 100.000...
(maka setelah B menyadari...terjadilah kejar2an dengan background berbunga2....KENAPAAAAA)

Lagi stress..gak usah dibaca >:D

MUF KERJA MUF!
SON KERJA SON!
JOU KERJA JOU!
HEN KERJA HEN!